I once ruptured myself...

It’s the bank holiday I’m doing the rounds. Unfortunately I’ve got no holiday plans this weekend although we do have the annual multi-cultural festival tomorrow so might check that out. Doing the rounds? Well checking on my local amigos and familia. Today I’ve seen my Grandmother for a few hours. It’s great seeing her although a quick visit usually turns into an afternoon. Copious amounts of lunchtime cheese sandwiches followed by a night of disturbing dreams!
My grand mother can weave a good story. It has often been said that anyone visiting her requires a bladder of near reservoir volume. I once almost ruptured myself, trying to get a word in edge ways to excuse myself. I like to think that my Gran’s story telling is a bit like neat vodka drank through a curly straw. You concentrate and slowly it goes round and round in circles. You wonder if it will ever come to an end then as fast as it’s started it’s over and you come away feeling warm, slightly giddy and in need of the bathroom!
Today’s gas started with the troubles in the world, skillfully woven into a brief interlude about the neighbours. Then dropped back into a short sub-plot about her childhood intermingled with a thrilling argument against facism and the future of a royalist state (from the perspective of the new lady living in the bungalow at No. 26).
All of this was told over the majesty of a pot of Earl Grey with a dry sherry chaser, unfortunately no cake today folks!

My Gran always likes to keep abreast of modern technology whilst in her 70(or so) years of age. Today she asked me to explain what an mp3 was? Well, I like to think I’m good at explaining things so this is how the conversation went.
Well Gran it’s a digitally compressed sound file.
No entiendo!
Ok, then. You know computers and they store information electronically, like pictures and text for example. Like in the bank, when they look up your information.
Si!
Well an mp3 is like this but it’s music.
Ok, but where is the music kept in one of those i-pod thingys?
On a disc, like a record.
Ah a record but I heard that you could get lots of songs on an I-pod thing?
Yep you can, the songs are smaller.
Hmm, but what if you want to play older songs.
Em, no Gran the songs nowadays are the same size they just make them smaller. They shrink them so they take up less room.
Ah ok? Like microscopic records?
Em kind of!
How do you put the needle on?
No! Not like a vinyl record they are different.
What like CD’s?
At this point I started to give up.
Yep like them.
Where do you buy them then?
The conversation went on for another few minutes by which time I managed to end it with distraction by mentioning that the teapot was cold. Phew! Another pot? Nnngh! I need a wee!