mucho-danger

Recreational use of herbal folk remedies.

2007-01-10T22:16:00.000+01:00

Happy New Year mi amigos!

I hope one is feeling refreshed after the festive holidays. Thank the Gods for antibiotics I survived 2006. I now feel somewhat daunted by the year 2007 and beyond...

Stuff i'm happy about.
I am pleased to report that my hair loss calculations were way off. My initial (folicle/sq.mm) estimate was embarrasingly low so as a result I still have a full head of hair. Multipack of vests, emergency bobble hat and recently ordered mannequin head now on ebay.

Stuff i'm worried about.
I do have a greying problem though. Luckily the grey hairs are appearing randomly, it's not like in a concentrated patch or madre mia forbid a white stripe! I've made new calculations and I reckon I could be a silver-surfer by around mid-November. Unless I dropped a decimal point?

Stuff i'm sad about.
I Got You (I Feel Good). He didn't and he doesn't anymore! Christmas mornings will never be the same. Farewell to JB.

Stuff i'm concerned about.
I read on Kaz's blog that even the Folk world is dumbing down. Alcoholism, carnivorous obesity, pipe smoking, swinging, pagan worship, recreational use of herbal folk remedies. Yeah Folk had it all! I'm sure Rock'n'Roll is not all over. Can someone help me out, is there anyone even a little bit naughty these days?

Hasta Luego for now-o.

Bésame Mucho

2006-12-19T19:46:00.000+01:00

Before the festivities get out of hand.....I'm Wishing everyone a Mucho-Merry Navidad and a very Happy New Year filled with mucho-emocionarse!?

Untill my return, Dame un beso!

Live in Las Vegas -Wedding Commentary

2006-12-12T12:49:00.000+01:00

Amigos, here is the Live in Las Vegas UK commentary via Messenger. Confused? Please read previous post...

22:39:06 Señor Tronosco. hello amigos
22:39:45 Señorita N. hello?
22:39:49 Señor J! hey Señorita N!!
22:39:59 Señorita N. hey ho!!
22:40:37 Señor J! im still not seeing no wedding?!?!?!
22:40:52 Señor Tronosco. me neither...i reckon its happening now
22:41:05 Señorita N. maybe Mrs Bride got nervous happy feet? hahaha dancing like a penguin!! and forgot the wedding?
22:41:30 Señor Tronosco. they take their time to upload that stuff
22:41:35 Señorita N. or drinking some pints with Elvis?
22:42:04 Señor Tronosco. they blew the money on poker and are now off to Mexico
22:42:08 Señorita N. Loooool Mrs Bride is getting married!!
22:42:19 Señor J! lol
22:42:21 Señor J! im here tryin to suss out the dam thing
22:42:59 Señor Tronosco. anyone seeing it yet?
22:43:03 Señor J! nope!
22:43:06 Señorita N. i am...
22:43:14 Señor J! liar
22:43:16 Señorita N. "she decided to get married to Elvis, she is kicking Mr Groom out the chapel right now as we speak!!"
22:43:42 Señor Tronosco. is that some other website Señorita N?
22:43:46 Señorita N. hehe
22:43:52 Señor J! have u seen the website tryin to big itself up??? ""Our multimedia presentations use cutting-edge video streaming technology"""
22:44:01 Señor J! i dont think so!!
22:44:31 Señorita N. ok wait something is happening
22:44:40 Señorita N. ..nope
22:44:49 Señor Tronosco. were good to go
22:44:54 Señorita N. yeyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
22:45:06 Señor J! yayyy!
22:45:14 Señorita N. we are ON!!
22:45:16 Señor J! ooooo...bells!
22:45:16 Señor Tronosco. WOOO-HOOO
22:45:23 Señorita N. i am eating some chockie!!
22:45:52 Señor J! i can see doves n shit
22:46:03 Señorita N. yeyyy
22:46:11 Señorita N. awwwwwwwwwwwww#
22:46:13 Señor J! here comes the bride!!
22:46:22 Señor Tronosco. The first time I used a hankie in front of my pc for the eyes
22:46:28 Señor J! lol
22:46:35 Señor J! She looks nice
22:46:44 Señorita N. I love the dress
22:46:54 Señor J! She looked at the cam!!!
22:47:13 Señorita N. i am losing stuff
22:47:22 Señor Tronosco. im buffering?!
22:47:27 Señorita N. arghhhhhhhhhh
22:47:39 Señor J! Mines frozen from when the cam changed
22:47:56 Señorita N. i have sound but not camera its frozen
22:48:04 Señor J! Other parts of The Kingdom?!?!?!
22:48:15 Señor Tronosco. he is American?!?
22:48:19 Señorita N. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
22:48:24 Señorita N. Its gone white?
22:48:35 Señor J! Mines been frozen for ages!
22:48:40 Señorita N. FU&K!!!!!!!!!
22:48:41 Señor Tronosco. Cool.....its going ok so far
22:48:48 Señor J! im gonna dare to refresh!
22:49:02 Señorita N. i ll wait to see what happens to you
22:49:04 Señor Tronosco. Don't worry i'm ripping it for later
22:49:51 Señorita N. hahaha
22:50:05 Señorita N. i stipped it restarted it and Mr Groom's haircut had changed!!!!
22:50:07 Señorita N. hahahaha
22:51:14 Señorita N. can u hear some weird voicE?
22:51:21 Señor Tronosco. its frozen on the couple laughing..and the vicar bloke now sounds in slow motion.
22:51:22 Señor J! wow!! the sounds gone like a walkman with low batteries!
22:51:30 Señorita N. it sounds like a voice from an action movie, of a kidnapper?
22:51:40 Señor Tronosco. a kidnapper?
22:51:43 Señor J! its some telephone stalker
22:51:47 Señorita N. yeah
22:52:00 Señor J! u can hear the nerves in his voice!
22:52:10 Señorita N. yeah
22:52:10 Señor Tronosco. is Mr Groom a bit choked up or is it my sound
22:52:18 Señorita N. i think he is in tears
22:52:19 Señorita N. awww
22:52:30 Señor J! I wanna see!!!!!!!!!!
22:52:41 Señorita N. is she crying?
22:52:46 Señor J! dunno
22:53:02 Señorita N. hahah
22:53:03 Señor J! but its still so cool that atleast we can hear it live!
22:53:07 Señorita N. he forgot the rings?
22:53:10 Señorita N. ahahah
22:53:35 Señor Tronosco. they got the rings!
22:53:49 Señor Tronosco. yep its cool to be a part of this
22:54:54 Señorita N. so sweet
22:55:08 Señor Tronosco. Mrs Bride is loving it
22:55:14 Señor J! lol
22:55:33 Señor J! shes crackin up!
22:55:44 Señorita N. yeah i can hear her laughing
22:55:52 Señor J! is that the Double Jeopardy music in the background??!
22:56:18 Señor Tronosco. haha..i'm waiting for the dress thing, Senor J!
22:56:29 Señorita N. what dress thing?
22:56:36 Señor Tronosco. lol
22:57:03 Señor Tronosco. whats with the candles?
22:57:10 Señor J! NOOOOO!!! mine just crashed out!!
22:57:16 Señor J! it wont let me back in
22:57:21 Señorita N. stopped?
22:57:21 Señor Tronosco. i'm out
22:57:26 Señorita N. me too
22:58:12 Señor Tronosco. i think someone should save this conversation for Mrs Bride and Mr Groom to read when she returns
22:58:49 Señorita N. i think the vicar kidnapped Mrs Bride and Mr Groom is after her!!
22:59:25 Señor J! the convo's on autosave!
22:59:29 Señor J! i'll email it to her

Home, online, alone, guess what i'm feeling excited!

2006-12-11T22:34:00.000+01:00

Mi Amigos!

The season to be jolly is here. Ouf! Madre Mia! I feel I may have overdone the Christmas celebrations already. Currently recovering from the office party and lots of other 'fiestas' that seemed a good idea at the time.

Anyway I'm hanging in there and tonight i'm at home, online and alone and guess what i'm feeling excited!

Yes amigos I can't wait, i've never done this online before but I'm so looking forward to it. I've been invited to an online wedding! Only 30minutes to go and I see my friend get herself hitched Live in Las Vegas via the wonders of t'internet. I'm so hoping Elvis is the vicar, Marilyn Monroe the usher and yeah, Jim Morrison can be the chauffer. Unless the happy couple have blown the wedding payment on a one way ticket to Mexico then I will report back with a commentary.

Pretty much like those witness protection schemes...

2006-11-25T14:14:00.000+01:00

Que Pasa!
Something has been troubling me this past week, so as ever I will share it with mi amigos. A problemo shared is a problemo halved.

There are some things we all take for granted and its true to say that everyone has their own worries and problems. I myself worry about my total lack of organisation and my fear of dogs and wasps. My latest worry is that I seem to be shedding more hair than I can possibly grow. In my advancing years I still have not undergone any thinning or balding. But my basic mathematics tells me that the loss of one hair strand takes months to regrow. At this rate I calculate that I could be bald by mid January. Unfortunately the coldest time of the year going into February. I will keep you posted.

I have known one man in my time that has worn a Wig. Now don't get me wrong i'm not knocking anyone who is bald. There is of course medical reasons for baldness all of which must be horribly distressing.

Anyway i'm talking about the older man who is bald and chooses to cover this with a wig. My main point of confusion is, when do you decide to do 'the switch'? For example, i'm balding/bald one day, next day i've got a full-on mullet wig. I don't understand the etiquette. Surely the point of the wig is to pretend and to fool people into thinking its your own. So if I turn up to work or a social gathering then people will know i'm wearing a wig. Therefore the only way to maintain the illusion is to change your house, work, social group and notify your family. Pretty much like those witness protection schemes where they give you a new identity.

Now this is where I was thinking about other peoples worries. If you're a wig wearer and you've been through this inital identity change. Then what happens if you need to buy a new wig, do you stick with the same style? What if the wig manufacturer has gone bust? Do you choose one that closely matches? Please don't tell me you have to change jobs, house, work and friends again?

A random selection of thoughts...

2006-11-13T23:32:00.000+01:00

Hola xoxos!
A selection of the past weeks random moments, feelings and thoughts...

Rush hour on the A406 sitting in a car within a lane closure with a yellow flashing light on the roof. Wearing a yellow reflective coat and a white hard hat. Facing an oncoming lane of stationary traffic whilst eating a banana. Being given a 'coffee bean hand shake' gesture from a stationary motorist and thinking...I probably deserve that.

In a club at approx. 2am, watching a girl walk across a row of tables in front of me. Casually lifting my glass from the table just before it collapses. Watching as the girl crumples in a painful mess on the floor. Being given a stern look from a bouncer, like it was my fault, and thinking...I bet that hurt.

At work. Being taken to one side by a work colleague and shown a nasty cut with stitches on his head. The injury was the result of a drunken night with friends in Poland and its cause was apparently a mystery. Giving my word that I would cover for him if the injury was noticed and questioned by higher management. Being given a handshake and thinking...the stitching was pretty shoddy work.

Is nothing sacred?

2006-11-07T22:44:00.000+01:00

Buenas amigos!

I was lounging around earlier, tucking into tostada con tomate when suddenly it occured to me. This is becoming the decade of the movie remake! Is nothing sacred?

King Kong, The Ladykillers, Inspector Clouseau, The Italian Job, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Get Carter, to name a few. Why oh why?

I must admit I rather avoid these, dismissing them as shameless money making exploitations of the originals. Are they any good? Its the tip of the iceberg in my opinion, where will the 'remake industry' look next? Here are a few 'adaptations' that would see me buying tickets.

Apocalypse Now (redux) -On Ice.
A faithful adaptation of the epic journey into the heart of darkness on skates. You can almost smell the napalm scenes, albeit in a cool temperature controlled environment.

Silence of the Lambs -Contemporarily Danced.
A dance craze in the making thanks to Dr. Hannibal Lecter. Clarice Starling's mix of robotics and freestyle jive electrifies the night vision sequence.

A Few Good Men - The Silent Movie.
You can't handle the truth!, expressed with a cocktail of sign language, mime artistry and letter cards.

Psychologists’ field day (of the week this month).

2006-11-05T12:41:00.000+01:00

Songs appearing in my head.... so far this week.
When a man loves a woman (this line, then fudged the rest, not sure of the words).
Strangers in the Night (freestyling the last verse repeatedly).
Down to Earth - (Curiosity Killed the Cat -12 inch version. Why?)

Stuff I’ve randomly bought this week over a tenner.
A new Jacket (more like a coat really).
I am Cuba DVD (the cinematography is really good, apparently, yawn)!

Stuff I’ve learnt this week and chose to remember.
The longest sausage was 35miles, erm, long.
Astronauts that journeyed to the moon went to No.1's through a condom thingy. For No.2's they had to strip and how do I put it? Bag it!
Bone China is actually made from er, bone....duh!

Potential 'Falling Down' moments.
A man in a van dropping a crisp packet out of his window.
Stepping on chewing gum.
Severe delays on the Jubilee Line

Favourite website of the week.
www.moviedeaths.com

Favourite film quote this week.
Don't buy bread with that money, hombre! Buy dynamite! Dynamite!

Highlight of the week.
A girl wearing furry ear muffs (indoors).
Fireworks and Fuego!

Amigos, I felt like John Hurt in space at dinner time...

2006-10-31T16:53:00.000+01:00

Happy Halloween, i've had a horrific day (follow links for gore).

Hombre! The plot thickens......Today I had the unfortunate experience of having a movie camera on the end of a tube forced down my throat! Praise Our Lady of Guadalupe this was a silent movie as there was no room for a furry microphone on a stick.

Ok amigos, i know I go on about this surgical stuff but it really is bizzare. There I was laid on my side, gagging and retching, whilst the surgeon appeared to be playing a video game. All I could see was what appeared to be some form of joystick/playstation controller in his hands and the glow of a TV screen. From the 'ooohs' and 'aaahs' from the crowd behind him I guessed he was winning. At one point I swear he had his tongue out to aid concentration, probably Pro-Evo Football on PS2 or something similar?
Looking back I wish I had taken the sedation, not the 'banana flavoured numbing throat spray'. Amigos, I felt like John Hurt in space at dinner time, you could feel the thing moving around!

Anyway another experience to tick off my list of horrors. BTW, the latest from this consulant is that my stomach innards are pristine and that I probably had Pneumonia( instead of a perforated duodenal ulcer)!!? Although I do still have Gall bladder issues?

I despair, any doctors out there? Write your diagnosis on a postcard and i'll pick one out of a hat.

Bloggers Guide To Flamenco -Part 3 -Siguiriyas

2006-10-30T18:19:00.000+01:00

Aaay
Burn the Earth
I do not want to live
Burn the Earth
I do not want to live
To live to live as I were living aay ayy yyyyy yyyyy
I want to die
Silverio Franconetti –Siguiriyas

Steady on! No fuego, its Part 3 of my Bloggers Guide to Flamenco! Today I’m bangin’ on about Siguiriyas. The intro gives you some idea of the lyrical content of this style…pass us the anti depressants and a botella de Gin.
Siguiriyas belongs to the cante grande. This Flamenco form is the most dramatic, solemn depressing and above all powerful! Along with the Soleares it is considered one of the most important. It originated from three main regions, Sevilla, Jerez and Cadiz, appearing as early as the eighteenth century.
Traditionally the cante is formed from four verses but can also be of three. The lyrics are very sparse with lots of wailing and extended syllables. The basic compás consists of twelve beats. The 1st, 3rd, 5th, 8th and 11th beats are played with emphasis. Listen to the audio and all will become clear!
The audio file has three tracks. The first gives you the basic compás. The second a good example of the Cadiz cante with a clear guitar accompainement. The last is the Silverio Franconetti Triana (Sevilla) style, you can also check my translation. Mierda!

You are now on your way to becoming an aficionado, any questions?

Audio link here -Siguiriyas

Next guide....Part 4 -Sevillanas!

CONTENTS
Bloggers Guide To Flamenco! -Part 1 -Introduction
Bloggers Guide To Flamenco! -Part 2 -Flamenco Palos

One Giant Leap?

2006-10-18T21:29:00.000+01:00

I watched the film Apollo 13 last night. Guess what Amigos it got Senor thinking (seriously)!
Em...is it just me or what? We landed on the Moon! Can you believe that? I don’t care for the excuse of the Cold War space race or Kennedy or the science. Call me a romantic but the Moon shot can't be described with excuses. After 250,000 or so years us Homo sapiens briefly escaped the confines of Earth and ventured beyond our birthplace This was the first time that we had been able to look back at ourselves in the vastness of the Universe. Imagine the billions of people throughout human evolution who have looked up at the Moon and the stars and wondered and dreamed about their mystery. We went there!

Controversially I still rate Apollo as one of the most amazing achievements of the human race. An achievement not just in technology but something else I can’t quite put my finger on. At the same time I feel guilty at the financial decadence of the whole thing. It would seem though that my Pro-Apollo opinion is rare. I was speaking about it today and people are so negative, the moon landings were a waste of money, irrelevant, political, boring or faked!

What do you think?

PS. Not really wishing to lower the tone but....Hcw did they go to toilet on the Moon (dealing with number 1's should be easy but a numero dos)? Will research.

I almost let slip my latex glove...

2006-10-16T21:58:00.000+01:00

Hola Amigos!
Si I'm back, i'm how you say back in the swing of it, i'm out 'n' about and walking into lamposts! Ouf! It's like my comida never left my stomach and decided to go walkies around my insides. Apart from a few out-patient appointments I'm back to pre-op minus the ciggies and twitch.

Ok, hombre, i've got some scars but they are just not gaining any sympathy from the Senoritas. I was hoping for some pirate sized wounds complete with stitch holes. Unfortunately the wonders of modern medicine and key-hole surgery have robbed me of TLC.

Anyway i'm waffling, I almost let slip my latex glove and catheter story....

No blog since 26th September! Lo siento. I had a week back at work slipping into old habits in addition to having to work through a months worth of In-tray! What can I say?

Check back later this week for the next part of my Bloggers Guide To Flamenco. I am also on the edge of announcing my tomato of the year, just tweaking a few pie charts and checking my scoring formulae!

Excited by the thought of 'boil-in-the-bag' fish?

2006-09-26T23:01:00.000+01:00

"Señor Tronosco, enough of the gruesome gut garbage and stomach related surgical shtick!"

You are right amigos, I gotta dust myself off, get up, stand up and get back to earning lap dancing club money for the shareholders! I've been wallowing in a mixture of daytime TV, baggy night/lounge wear, Muller Rice and prescription narcs. Quite frankly I have become my Grandparents. I found myself today getting excited by the thought of boil in the bag fish in parsley sauce with tinned new potatoes. I'm empathising with City Hospital inmates (BBC1 10:00am -11:00am). I have started taking supper, having pudding, referring to my doctor by his first name and collecting coupons! All of which is a sure sign that i'm on a slippery slope to becoming all grown up, sensible and slipper bound. Madre Mia, i've even given up smoking!

In order to enable rehabilitation into my preoperative life i have developed a three-point-training-plan.

Step One -Breaking the Hospital Routine.

Tomorrow I will arise at my usual work day waking time (6.30 am) via two presses of the snooze button. I will leave this as late as possible, so that I have to rush, in a near heart attack inducing frenzy. I will have to shower in record breaking time in order to enable me to eat breakfast (Doctor's orders). My usual cigarette time, now banned, will buy the minutes for eating breakfast. I will also place my house keys in a obvious place. This could bank an extra 10 minutes as I normally take at least this amount of time to find them in the morning. I will then dress in my usual work atire. This will replace the comfortable lounge slacks and slippers with pressed suit trousers and leather shoe. I will then exit the house and power walk to the railway station, timing it so that I just manage to arrive at 7:23am. By which time i'm sweating like a marathon runner and having to prise the train doors open to get on before it leaves. Obviously this is training so I will not be undertaking my full journey. I will get off at the next station and return home, this will suitably screw up my postoperative routine.

Step Two -Avoiding mental and physical inactivity.

Upon returning home TV is banned, except for educational programmes/documentaries. I will set myself a few mental tasks in the morning. This could include pondering such questions as, how do they get the writing in a stick of rock? In the afternoon I will attempt to start sorting out the garage which will provide a motivational, physical and mental challenge.

Step Three -Putting yourself about a bit.

Being sat on the sofa with a tartan blanket for nearly a month really makes one antisocial. I will therefore at suitable moments during the day randomly call a few people. I will try and sustain a conversation for as long as possible. Aiming for at least 5minutes of quality two way chat, 10minutes of one sided rambling from myself, 15minutes, surely they hung up 10minutes ago!
When out of the house I will try and communicate with a stranger (preferably a Señorita) and try not to appear like I own slippers, a tartan blanket or get excited by boiled fish!

Fingers crossed by following my three-point-post-op-training plan I should be back to normal in no time!

...and now I own a pair of Pyjamas and Slippers!

2006-09-24T18:12:00.000+01:00

Here is my concluding post-mortem report.

Read part 1 here...I got my ass down A&E rapido!

What was the diagnosis? A suspected perforated stomach ulcer with peritonitis! It felt so bad. Went for surgery at midnight on Wednesday 6th. Basically this was an exploratory. I had a camera put inside me through my belly button and other incisions for a look around. There was evidence of some fatty deposits and bile around my stomach and gall bladder area. This appeared to indicate some evidence of healing of a hole in my stomach or gall bladder. They also had a look at my appendix, all was ok. My body cavity was washed out with 3litres of saline and a drain tube was inserted. I awoke to find a tube down my nose and throat and a tube sticking out of my tummy with two bags filled with nasty looking fluids. I felt knackered, sore and couldn’t walk. My arms were like pin cushions. I spent the next few days in a bit of a daze being fed intravenous fluids, paracetamol, morphine, antibiotics and morphine…nice! I'm guessing this was to allow my stomach to heal and to clear it of any nasty bacteria and acids. I was then transferred to a ward for the weekend and gradually got some strength back. The next week I managed to get up and about which was difficult with intravenous drips in each arm. I really let myself go amigos, blood stained gown over grandad pyjamas and slippers. I was starting to look like a shipwreck survivor, I had a full beard and someone said my hair was growing into a mullet. It’s surprising how we take simple things for granted. Getting out of bed was an effort, getting to the bathroom and washing was an expedition. I started eating again a week after being admitted and since then have been building myself up with the aid of simple food and Muller Rice! I am still surprised about how weak I felt then and I’m not 100% yet but feel much better. I’d like to thank all those who sent me their wishes and came to visit me. The whole thing has been a bit of a blur to me and it's sure been an experience...

The negative points;
Anything associated with needles, those drip stands on wheels, p*e bottles, vomit, patient toilets, surgical stockings, tubes stuck where they shouldn't be, both arms look like pin-cushions, i'm a little bit lighter. I can't drink any beer yet. I don’t smoke. I now own a pair of pyjamas and slippers!

The positive points;
The morphine. The morphine. The morphine. Giving up smoking? Time off work.

I once accidently sneezed on a daddy long legs...

2006-09-22T14:10:00.000+01:00

It's lashing it down today, gatos y perros. I am intending to venture out into the fresh air to aid the convalescence. It is also to prevent me boredom buying more Van Cleef/Porcelain/DVD items from Amazon and Ebay.

I'm at present suffering smoking flashbacks, memories of smokier times. Ah! The drunken nights when I'd get through a pack of 20 in a couple of hours. Followed by feelings of nausea and irrepairable lung damage upon waking in the morning. Great times! The first ciggie of the day, unbelievably welcome yet inducing symptoms of acute bronchitis. Satisfying! The luxury of a fag after food, a "smokey pudding".....a roll up stuck to the lip, a smoke ring, 20 Reds and a box of matches. I've got to hold out, No toke since 5th September!

To ease my nicotine niggles I've been engaging the mind wildly in other areas of thought. Today, what with the weather, I am wondering where the hell do insects go when it's raining? I mean the size of a raindrop is bigger than the average insect. It's like me walking down the street and being pelted with bathtub volumes of water. Surely insects must sustain fatal injuries when it rains. As a kid I once accidently sneezed on a daddy long legs and it's legs fell off so I dread to think what mutilation occurs when it rains heavily. I'm guessing that insects bunk down under shelter when it rains? Or do they just carry on their business and accept the dangers? Is this natures way of regulating the insect population?
I'm off out to investigate.

Post Operative Blues!

2006-09-20T22:52:00.000+01:00

Buenas amigos! I'm still off work and becoming very agitated. There really is only so much TV I can watch in one day. I'm also eating like a horse, seriously every few hours I'm snacking. It's probably a good sign as I was down to 65kg when I left hospital!

Today's junk food (so far) has been as follows;

2 Bowls of Bran Flakes
2 Rounds of Toast and Jam
2 Bananas
1 small portion of Chicken Korma
1 Yoghurt
2 Muller Rice (Blueberry and Strawberry)
1 Pot of Soup
3 Eggs (scrambled on toast)
1 Bag of minstrels
1 Orange
2 Pint of Milk
1 Small portion of Chicken Casserole

Obviously the stomach is bearing up and I'm gradually testing it's strength and capacity. I don't want it bursting again! I'm still off the booze which will be the ultimate capacity test. I've also gone cold turkey on the cigarettes. It's hell but I had to do it some time. Pa fumar!

The boredom is becoming a problem though, I ended up on Amazon and Ebay today buying lot's of unessential items. Is this what they call retail therapy? Hombre, I started browsing for a new Spaghetti Western DVD, following my post yesterday. Next thing I know I've gone and bought some lavish imported box-set and had to buy a new multi-region DVD player to watch them! I'm too embarrassed to fully mention my ebay purchases but I'm sure Madonna (Our Lady Of Guadalupe) figurines can be sold back without a loss! Madre Mia, is it the prescription drugs, the lack of nicotine, post-op-blues?

They're after me with bombs and bribes and fast, fast women!

2006-09-19T14:51:00.000+01:00

I'm a huge Spaghetti Western fan! Sí amigos, I have been using my convalescence constructively by sitting in front of the TV catching up on some DVD's. Today's essential viewing has been;
Django
Death Rides A Horse
The Big Gundown

If you ever get the chance to watch The Big Gundown (La Resa Dei Conti) then do not hesitate. It is quite simply the best Spaghetti Western outside of Leone's Dollars Trilogy. It is an absolute disgrace that Columbia pictures have let this film rot in the archives. The only way to get a copy is to buy it on DVD-R, a fan restoration which is wonderful in it's completeness.

Lee Van Cleef is fantastic, probably the most underated actor of the genre. He was a superstar!

So as a fitting tribute to the one and only Lee Van Cleef please listen to my Lee Van Cleef Podcast! Sí hombre, he can sing too...

Pod - Lee Van Cleef Tribute - Cast

I got my ass down A&E rapido!

2006-09-19T08:30:00.000+01:00

I’ll start at the beginning. Note this is not for the squeamish. It was Sunday the 3rd September; I had just eaten a mountain of Sunday roast. A few hours later I was doubled up in pain, vomiting and sinking a few antacids and painkillers. Found a comfortable fetal position and got an early nights sleep. Sleep was a bit broken but managed to get up for work and head to Peterborough, not a quick journey from the South Coast. Propped myself in a comfortable position on the train and got some more sleep. Pain at this point was fairly mild and got through the working day. Stopped of to see a friend in St. Albans on the way home, the pain in my stomach was by now getting a bit worse. Held out all day, got home tired about midnight and slept off the burning agonizing pain in my chest. Woke up on the Tuesday 5th September still with a killing gut pain so went straight to the Doctors. Had an ECG, no heart problems, just a stomach acid problem. Got some tablets, was still in agony but hoped the tablets would work. The day went on, took a tablet had a little food; the pain by this time was near crippling. Then the vomiting of blood started. Now I’m no doctor but this struck me as being pretty abnormal so I got my ass down A&E rapido! Got seen in A&E straight away. I must admit that the A&E staff were a bit rubbish. I mean I was vomiting blood into one of those cardboard kidney dishes (filled five!) and the Doc was asking me whether this was normal! In the meantime I was in agony, asking for some pain relief and was given a couple of Paracetamol, which didn’t stay down. Must have been there a few hours, waiting for blood test results I think? Then I was discharged to a Medical Assessment Ward for the night. Luckily here I was put on some fluids given some pain relief that worked and managed to get a bit of sleep. Later the next day I was poked and prodded by a few doctors and surgeons who told me I would need surgery! I was then transferred to a Surgical Ward.

For the continuing story, link here...

I got my ass down A&E rapido...and now I own a pair of Pyjamas and Slippers!

Things get really messy!

Where you been?

2006-09-13T19:19:00.000+01:00

Here is a very quick update.

Sorry it's been a bit quiet but I've been in Hospital! Went to A&E last Tuesday and today I was released (a little lighter, wiser, shell-shocked). I'm all ok just a bit weak.

Plenty of thrilling stories to come about my time inside. Probably infringe some kind of patient confidentiality laws but what the heck, it's got to be told!

Keep checking back over the next few days.

Bloggers Guide To Flamenco! -Part 2

2006-09-03T08:30:00.000+01:00

Onwards for Part 2 of my Bl(o/a)ggers Guide to Flamenco!
FLAMENCO PALOS
Today amigos, its Flamenco music styles (palos). As for the origins of Flamenco (in a nut shell) this lies in Andalucía and is said to have evolved from the many cultures that have existed in this region throughout its turbulent social history. Gypsy, Arab, Jewish, it’s all there and I suppose even today Flamenco retains the emotion and spirit of their persecution.
As for Flamenco styles these differ by region, their history, rhythm, and mood. Some are serious, some are happy, some are sung on their own, some are danced by men, some by women. Yep folks it’s not an easy task to label this stuff so I’m going to stick to the basic forms I know. Feel free to comment if I’ve got something wrong or offended the duende! Remember this is the Blaggers Guide!

First thing to memorise is the three categories of singing. Underneath each category is the corresponding Palos. I also give some handy advice if you happen to be listening with aficionados (experts) at a juerga (spontaneous flamenco performance)!

Cante Grande –This is the “mother” of flamenco. The real serious, deep and emotional stuff. When listening it’s generally about death, lost love, pain, tears and funerals so perfect your most serious face and imagine the worst!
Siguiriyas
Soleares
Tientos.

Cante Chico –This is dare I say, light-weight stuff in comparison to the Cante Grande. It’s usually fairly noisy, lots of clapping and danced to. But don’t be too laid back, although happy the words sometimes have a sinister edge to them. For this I recommend to go for it, tap your feet, get up and dance, clap, shout some encouragement but do it with a little irony (just in case there’s a surprise)!
Alegrias
Fandangos
Farruca
Sevillana (I know it’s officially a folk song but it is derived from Flamenco).

Cante Intermedio –A tricky one this. Somewhere in between Grande and Chico. Usually the words tell a fairly emotional story but with a “and they all lived happily ever after (after suffering for many more years)” ending. Not much advice to give in this situation. I would recommend visiting the bathroom, then come back and see what the general mood of the people is like. Failing that, copy the person next to you?
Bulerias
Tangos.

For the next parts of my guide I will explain the Palos in more detail, starting with the Siguiriyas. I will also provide some audio to aid the learning!

CONTENTS
Bloggers Guide To Flamenco! -Part 1 -Introduction

I'm a bit short on answers...

2006-09-01T20:53:00.000+01:00

Buenas! I've been pondering some classics today and have been a bit short on answers.

Why on an aircraft do they provide you with an emergency life-jacket? Why not a parachute?

When a band mimes a song on TV, how does the drummer mime? Padded drum sticks? No skins?

Where do birds go when they die? Statistically more should be falling from the sky causing human injury?

When travelling at the speed of sound can you hear yourself speak?

For any smokers. Do you feel short changed when smoking outside on a windy day? The smoke blows away!

The more I think about the modern working world the more I think we may all be mad? Let me explain. I press plastic things to make words appear on a bigger box of plastic (with a glass face), then send the words using a moveable piece of plastic (on a mat) to my colleague who sits opposite me? Ever taken a step back to look at what physically takes place in an office?

I've got a problem...

2006-08-30T21:21:00.000+01:00

“Psst…a half of the white stuff and a quarter of the green and black”. Yep amigos I’m in denial but I have to admit it, I’ve got an addiction. Read on and tell me if I need to seek help?

The other week I was out of milk so popped down the shops, a quick and simple trip for two pints of semi-skimmed, whilst the kettle boiled. Upon turning the corner into the high street I can only say that I was bodily taken over by my little problem. There in front of me was the market and calling out to me was a Greek food stall. I was hopelessly distracted by a huge bowl of Greek sun-dried tomatoes and the rather craftily placed free sample sign. Venturing closer I also saw row upon row of olives and the final straw…a tub filled with blocks of freshly cut Feta.
The Greek man knew I had a problem…”Yes Sir, try the olives, beautiful like the Greek woman”. At first I was strict and just asked for some sun-dried tomatoes (just a few, for research purposes only). The Greek man kept on “Some Feta Sir, fresh and pure and white like a Santorini summer”. Ok I thought, I’d just have half a block of Feta. No, the Greek man looked offended and I had to agree with him in that cutting it was a bit like what we did with the "Elgin" marbles! By this time I was on a roll, the Greek had me hooked and knew it. “Some Olives Sir” Yes hombre, some of these a few of those…mmm! I was high on Feta and Olive buying! Finally I stopped; I didn’t want to OD so I asked the man. How much? "22 Pounds, Sir!", Madre mia! I had to quickly revisit the cash machine but well worth it. The most expensive two pints of milk shopping trip ever. I think I’ve got a Feta and Olive problem folks!

Bloggers Guide To Flamenco! -Part 1

2006-08-28T22:44:00.000+01:00

Olé amigos and bienvenido to my
Bl(a/o)ggers Guide To Flamenco!
“Madre mia, qué idiota!” I hear you cry, “it’s all high waisted trousers, shouting, mad gypsy haircuts, open shirts and Camaron medallions”. Well some of it is but what’s so wrong about a lump of precious metal swinging in your chest hair (especially when adorned with the face of José Monje Cruz)? And that’s just for the men. You senoritas get really spoilt! Carmen Amaya, Sara Bares, polka dots, ruffles, mantillas, abanicos...I could go on. Qué Guapa!
Lo siento, I’m getting distracted.

INTRODUCTION
Where did my love of Flamenco come from apart from the guapa gitanas? Well, I’ve got a friend and she used to live with a Spanish teacher from Malaga. I used to go round to see my friend and I’m not joking every time would turn into a re-enactment of the Seville Feria. Yep, the men would eat and get merry on Tinto Verrano and the hostess would baile, baile, baile around the kitchen. Half way through the night other random Spanish people would turn up, some with guitars, and before you knew it the house was full. I didn’t know what sleep deprivation and paella induced heartburn was really like until those days. So I guess from that day on I had an interest, much like an extreme sport for those who like their sleep!

So, my guide is going to cover the all you need to know about flamenco music. That’s the traditional right up to the Nuevo Flamenco of today! “Señor Tronosco is really spoiling us”. Yep that’s right, I might even throw in some stuff about the dancing. Your very own cut-out-and-keep guide, so next time you find yourself in the caves of Sacromonte you’ll really be able to mix it!

Tune in later this week when I start with Flamenco palos, or in English, Flamenco music styles.

CONTENTS
Bloggers Guide To Flamenco! -Part 2 -Flamenco Palos

Proof that men never grow up!

2006-08-27T17:41:00.000+01:00

Proof today that men never grow up.

I was sitting down this afternoon with my amigo, having a few drinks and watching TV. I flicked over to the music channel and we sat and watched a few GirlsAloud videos. There we both sat making grunts of encouragement to the dancing girls. I looked over at my amigo and he was alternately looking over at me with a knowing grin and then pointing and gazing at the TV with a coy look-of-love on his face. Hombre! Who was my amigo? Pequeño de la Hermana. He’s two years old, I’m his Uncle and he’s just like me!

BTW Mum, I was drinking tea (of course!) and he was having some fruit juice!

I once ruptured myself...

2006-08-26T18:34:00.000+01:00

It’s the bank holiday I’m doing the rounds. Unfortunately I’ve got no holiday plans this weekend although we do have the annual multi-cultural festival tomorrow so might check that out. Doing the rounds? Well checking on my local amigos and familia. Today I’ve seen my Grandmother for a few hours. It’s great seeing her although a quick visit usually turns into an afternoon. Copious amounts of lunchtime cheese sandwiches followed by a night of disturbing dreams!
My grand mother can weave a good story. It has often been said that anyone visiting her requires a bladder of near reservoir volume. I once almost ruptured myself, trying to get a word in edge ways to excuse myself. I like to think that my Gran’s story telling is a bit like neat vodka drank through a curly straw. You concentrate and slowly it goes round and round in circles. You wonder if it will ever come to an end then as fast as it’s started it’s over and you come away feeling warm, slightly giddy and in need of the bathroom!
Today’s gas started with the troubles in the world, skillfully woven into a brief interlude about the neighbours. Then dropped back into a short sub-plot about her childhood intermingled with a thrilling argument against facism and the future of a royalist state (from the perspective of the new lady living in the bungalow at No. 26).
All of this was told over the majesty of a pot of Earl Grey with a dry sherry chaser, unfortunately no cake today folks!

My Gran always likes to keep abreast of modern technology whilst in her 70(or so) years of age. Today she asked me to explain what an mp3 was? Well, I like to think I’m good at explaining things so this is how the conversation went.
Well Gran it’s a digitally compressed sound file.
No entiendo!
Ok, then. You know computers and they store information electronically, like pictures and text for example. Like in the bank, when they look up your information.
Si!
Well an mp3 is like this but it’s music.
Ok, but where is the music kept in one of those i-pod thingys?
On a disc, like a record.
Ah a record but I heard that you could get lots of songs on an I-pod thing?
Yep you can, the songs are smaller.
Hmm, but what if you want to play older songs.
Em, no Gran the songs nowadays are the same size they just make them smaller. They shrink them so they take up less room.
Ah ok? Like microscopic records?
Em kind of!
How do you put the needle on?
No! Not like a vinyl record they are different.
What like CD’s?
At this point I started to give up.
Yep like them.
Where do you buy them then?
The conversation went on for another few minutes by which time I managed to end it with distraction by mentioning that the teapot was cold. Phew! Another pot? Nnngh! I need a wee!

Oops, I did it again.

2006-08-24T23:23:00.000+01:00

Qué tal amigos? Oops, I did it again last night! I've actually done it three times in the past 2 years, in different places. The first time was painful because l injured myself. The second time almost got me arrested. Last night I was left out half naked. "What!", you ask?
I locked myself out of the house, I keep doing it!
The first time l went to work and locked the keys inside. Luckily a high downstairs window was open but first I had to break through an out-house door. A kind neighbour lent me the tools! I injured myself straddling the small window which had a prong-lock, eye-watering stuff. Also minor damage to the sofa, although it formed a much needed crash-mat for my fall from the high window.
The second time, l was out in the front garden.The wind caught the front door and it slammed shut. Luckily this time the back door was open. Whilst attempting to climb the back fence,a concerned neighbour confronted me. He thought I was a burglar and threatened me with calling the police! I had to answer some of his probing questions, I also explained that burglars don't generally rob houses wearing just socks, no shirt and washing up gloves? This seemed to swing his decision and he lent me a ladder to climb the fence, jolly nice hombre!
The latest was last night. I'd just showered and was musing around the house in a pair of "never to be seen anytime" boxer shorts. I went to put the rubbish out, I figured no need to put more clothes on,it would only take a couple of seconds! Guess what, amigos? Yep, wind caught the front door and it slammed shut! I'm not joking here! I must have spent a good minute in shock(covering my exposed nipples with my crossed hands), standing half naked on the busy street. I had no spare key, no phone, what to do? When I calmed down, I remembered the back door was unlocked. It was a walk down the street, then round the back and another fence to climb. I decided to walk casually, running would only attract attention. I got half way down the road and sod's law a fully laden bus was stopped at the junction. I didn't look but I swear the bus driver or a passenger sarcastically wolf whistled! Eventually I got back in the house after climbing a trelis.
I really think I have learnt an important lesson this time, buy some sexier boxer shorts.Seriously though, I need to be more careful, anyone else been in a similar tricky situation?

I've been thinking about the future.

2006-08-23T20:34:00.000+01:00

Today I’ve been thinking about the future. Well to be exact the 1950's and 1960's vision of the future. I remember as a kid (relatively recently!) looking at some of my papá’s schoolbooks. The basic content of which was:

We would travel around in jet-cars.
Food would be a small pill for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
An in-house Robot would replace a women’s work.
Nuclear energy would power everything.
Work would become obsolete, allowing father to take Johnny Jr. fishing everyday of the week.
There would be a colony on Mars, mining stuff.
High-rise buildings would solve overcrowding.
and many, many more!

Wow, weren't they wrong. Socially, economically, environ...monu...mentally-wrong!
These mistakes I can live with but one thing troubles me. Why did the picture of the futuristic house with in-house Robot show it pushing a 1950's vacuum cleaner and wearing a piney like my Great-great grandmother?

Meme Of 3

2006-08-22T20:49:00.000+01:00

Gracias Heather, I’m not usually into these too but I do need to expose myself a bit more!

People I'm tagging with this.
Lindol Crike Condenses –his summaries of the dailys are mind blowing.
Windywillow –read this blog today, beautiful pictures of the garden and she likes tomatoes!
Cowboydog –I just can’t get enough of these. Funny, disturbing, thought-provoking, brilliant.

Don’t forget to track-back to Heather's Boutique and her Meme of 3 including;
A Dress A Day
Slaminsky

So here goes, it’s all about meme-me, Señor Tronosco.

Things that scare me.
Wasps, I’ve never been stung and actually once ran a good half mile to escape one. Yep, I was screaming and waving my arms about!
Big dogs with their own teeth. I try and pretend they are cute and lovable but I know the dog can sense I’m a scaredy cat.

People who make me laugh.
Lot’s, overheard conversations of strangers, my friends, colleagues. Anyone who can partcipate in the general day to day banter. Favourite famous ones –Ricky Gervais, Larry David, oh and Graham Chapman.

Things I hate the most.
Slugs, I once stepped on one with bare feet. I was out on a date and casually had to peel it off whilst trying to look sophisticated.
The 9to5 unless it challenging.
People who feel their social status or job position are more important than being human. In less technical terms, em…“keep it real” folks!

Things I don't understand.
Cricket. Drunken violence. Racism. How they get ships in small bottles? How women can determine and name colour shades. Mans’ stuff –How flash memory and digital broadcast transmission works?

Things I'm doing right now.
Thinking about what to have for tea.

Things I want to do before I die.
Work abroad, jump out of a plane or even base-jumping(obviously with a parachute), stand on a stage and muse, find a muse. Give up smoking not just cut down! Be able to lift more than two shopping bags without groaning like a weight-lifter.
Oh what the heck, record a prog rock album become a rock super star, buy a big mansion with tomato plantation, have some pool parties, drink a bit, go to re-hab, release disastrous self-indulgent follow up album and fade back into obscurity.

Things I can do.
Just about look after myself, roll my tongue. Play the guitar but very much like Inspector Clouseau could play the violin. Take a good photograph. Sew, not like dresses or anything but I once made a tent? Shoot clay pigeons.

Ways to describe my personality.
Disorganised, forgetful, thoughtful, fun loving, reckless but charming and passionate, Señoritas!

Things I can't do.
Swim any better than a stone. Hum the original Grange Hill theme tune –try it, it’s impossible! Grow or even keep alive house plants.

Things you should listen to.
The birds, music, your heart and your stomach!

Things you should never listen to.
Easy listening CD’s reduced to £1.99. People who cannot listen to you.

Things I'd like to learn.
Spanish (properly), rock climbing, horseriding.

Favourite foods.
Easy….Tomatoes, Feta, Jamon Serrano, fresh bread, egg and ham with chips, full english with plum tomatoes. A full roast with gravy.

Beverages I drink regularly.
Water, tea at home, coffee at work –bad vending machine stuff. Smoothie for breakfast, a few bottles of Alhambra cerveza now and then, bit of wine (red), occasional Tequilla when I’ve got nothing planned for the next two days.

Shows I watched as a kid.
Postman Pat, Bag Puss, Trap door –fantastic theme tune, The A-Team, He-Man and Transformers (Robot’s in Disguise!).

I've refused to return after tea.

2006-08-21T09:52:00.000+01:00

I'm not a huge fan of cricket. Personally I find the whole scoring system a bit of a mystery, which has held me back from really watching it seriously. Eh! Amigos? Does that make me less of a Señor?Anyways, I was catching up with the news and saw this headline "Pakistan refuse to return after tea". If you haven't seen it then link here. After much laughter and listening to the facts I was reminded of a similar incident in my life.
I used to play futbol with mi amigos in the local park. At the time the legendary Shoot5 football's were all the craze. For those not in the know, these were basically a 99p excuse for a football. A thin plastic coating painted with black and white hexagons, inflated to a near fatal psi and light as a feather. You talk about Bend it like Beckham! I once saw a goalie take a goal kick and score an own goal with a Shoot5. It was like a boomerang. Being short on pocket money, all those proud Shoot5 owners were very possesive of their footballs. It was quite common for them to explode if kicked against anything too hard. So it was an unwritten rule that Shoot5's should be treated with a certain ammount of respect. I remember on this particular day taking my Shoot5 to the park and one of the older boys team was quite frankly breaking this rule. Kicking it against the stone chip surfaced garages! NO, he wanted to pop it! This went on for a bit I repeatedly told him to stop it but he wouldn't listen.So I picked up my ball, grabbed my goal-post jumper (hand-knitted by mum) and stormed off home in a huff for tea! An hour or so later all the local kids (who had also had their tea) came round my house to see if I was coming out again with my Shoot5 for the second half of the game. I refused to return after tea unless the older boys stopped trying to pop my Shoot5, this caused an up-roar, with them threatening pop-age and saying bad things about my jumper. So me and mi Amigos stayed round my house playing Lego instead.

Some striking similarities with this and the current Cricket-Crisis, the only thing was we were 10 year old kids not professional sportsmen!

Shoot 5 Picture courtesy of http://www.bakerross.co.uk/product.asp?pf_id=TFB1 . I can't believe they still make them! In order to prevent any legal action, they are in fact a wonderous football. As mentioned I have many times purchased them and their airborne handling are the stuff of legend. What other ball could spiral through the whole defence and lob the keeper in one shot (via a cross-wind)!

Dare I say it? Much like a beautiful Senorita!

2006-08-20T09:52:00.000+01:00

Ok it’s about time I enlightened people on my search for the perfect Tomato! “Oh no he’s really lost it now,” I hear you say. Wait a minute it’s like this, some people spot trains, collect stamps, knit tea cosies. I like to think my search for the perfect tomato is relatively normal, a bit like wine tasting minus the spitting and hangover. It all started like this. I never used to like tomatoes (c. Birth-2003); the average ones you buy in the supermarkets were foul. They have tough orange coloured shiny skin, rubber-like flesh, are practically hollow with sticky green pips. Basically this description should be for something out of a horror movie. Then way back in 2003 I spent a bit of time touring the Mediterranean and rediscovered the tomato. They were fantastico, nothing like the ones you normally find down your local high street. From that day on I decided it was my duty to the reputation of tomatoes to seek out the finest varieties and quality available in the UK.

Here is my quick, totally opinionated (loosely based on fact), 3-point beginners guide:
1. Flavour to a tomato is like character. If your tomato has been spoilt, inoculated and has a poly house, then it’s likely to taste bland. A tomato that’s had a bit of a hard life is likely to have tried harder and therefore tastes better. Remember a tomato is a fruit, the main point of this is that the tastier the tomato the more likely it is to survive i.e. reproduce.
2. Tomatoes should be firm, no saggy skin, and free from blemishes. Dare I say it? What the heck Señor, much like a beautiful Señorita!
3. Never store Tomatoes in the fridge. I keep mine in a fruit bowl so that they continue to ripen and remain in good health. Remember a tomato has grown up with fresh air and sunshine, not dark sub-zero temperatures.

If you’ve got any recommendations for your favourite variety, interesting tomato facts, recipes, then let me know.
Coming soon –My favourite tomato of 2006.

Hip & Joint-safe dance moves for the older generation.

2006-08-19T12:38:00.000+01:00

I hate to admit this but Friday night, leaving party and i'm in bed by midnight and sober! I left early like Grandad, so as not to embarrass the youngsters. I'm normally the last one standing but lately Señor is just not feeling it. Is this what happens when you reach 30(or so) years of age? I now have to constantly fight against a potential waistline apocalypse, I can determine the changing seasons by my knees, mildly squint when reading small print and notice other subtle old man symptoms. Don't misunderstand, I’m not there yet but all these subtle changes are a reminder that i'm not immortal! I’m hoping that I’m just going through a ‘lightweight’ partying phase and the one and only Señor Tronosco will be re-mOjO-nised soon! Any tips for growing old gracefully, hip&joint-safe dance moves for the older generation or secrets to immortality?

What's new?

2006-08-19T08:00:00.000+01:00

Tuesday 19 December 2006

Xoxo's! Madre mia, where has the time gone? It's now well into the jolly season. I hope we all remembered Our Lady of Guadalupe's feast day, which is when I start to feel really festive.

What's new? Well i'm sorry to say that my Bloggers Guide to Flamenco has been slow to start this year but I promise an update soon.
My Tomato competition? Yep, it's still there and i'm musing over the winner as I write (this is both the tomato and the picture competition winner). I do hope you remember? It's not too late to submit a winning Tomato Head picture...Madre Mia!

All that is left is for me to direct you to this post...

Hasta luego, niñas!
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Monday 30 October 2006
Amigos, I've been neglecting my Blog. What can I say? I've been ill and milking it for all it's worth!

Latest news is that my gall bladder is that of a 60 year old ex-darts player. Ho hum, nothing that can't be put right which is good news. I'm having a camera forced down my throat tomorrow to look inside my innards, which will be fitting for Haloween. Hopefully my stomach is not that of a chain smoking truck driver.

Don't miss the Youtube James Brown clip. His dancing is amazing and that floor must have left the floor polisher very happy. It was also pointed out to me the interesting clapping from the girl on the left behind James. Mira, mira!

Yep Amigos the long awaited Bloggers Guide To FlamencoPart 3. Make sure you listen to the audio. While you are there also check out my Lee Van Cleef and Spaghetti Western Tributes. They are so bad they're good (and Ugly)!

Hasta luego, niñas!
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Saturday 16 September 2006
I am currently building up my strength after my unexpected week of intravenous therapy and minor surgery. Thank you very much for all those who sent me best wishes, cards, emails and for those who visited me for some amusement (yep i've kept the surgical stockings)! In the meantime please check out the Link section for My Halfbaked Invention and other amusing inventions. Added more Spanish Prog. Check out the Music Link for Bloque....it's Black Sabbath in Spanish! I'll publish my post-mortem later this coming week!
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Thursday 31 August 2006
Woo..hoo! I've now updated my competition...there is a prize! Thanks for the submissions so far...(um, only dos). Yep amigos, it's the Señor Tronosco give away of the century! Submit your tomato pictures to me and the best (judged by me) receives...

Se de un Lugar -the Triana Compilation -Double CD, still in it's cellophane! You Lucky People!
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Saturday 26 August 2006
Updated My Music links. Crazy ampetamine driven spanish prog rock from Mezquita. Stick with it just to hear the fantastic vocals, lovely!
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Saturday 19 August 2006
As promised I have added a picture link for previous post Fruitstock 2006 -Innocent Stuff. Also, check out my really worthwhile competition, located in the side bar!
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One Lump Or Two?

2006-08-17T20:46:00.000+01:00

Buenas! I was out and about in Londres ("The Big Smoke") today, working, winking at Señoritas, walking into lamposts etc. Whilst travelling around I like to sample a bit of life, so it's usual for me to skive off for a bit and check out on foot what's going on. Normally I end up suited and booted with a group of japanese tourists watching the changing of the guard. I once found myself pulling faces trying to make the guard laugh, taking tourist photos of the horses and Tower Bridge and even found myself on one of those red tourist buses! I love the city.
Anyways, whilst man-about-town today i must have consumed a near fatal ammount of take out coffee. This got me thinking. Britain a nation of Tea drinkers, a pride and great history in brewing a cuppa, tea cosy knitting, warming the pot, one lump or two! Why, oh why can you not get a cup of perfectly brewed take out tea (for all the tea in China)? Ok you can find it but it's normally some lame atempt at a tea bag on a string in magma temperature water with a splash of milk. This is what the Brit's are missing out on, a chain of tea shops. Imagine it, "Can I have a big mug-gold top milk-builders strength-two lump-breakfast tea-to go"! I want to see this now. I've just got to think of some names for the tea shop chain?

Incident involving vending machine on platform one.

2006-08-16T23:00:00.000+01:00

I was clearing out my work email box today and found this random exchange. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. It highlights so many things that are wrong in life. Read on;
-----Original Message-----
From: Reception
Sent: 10 August 2006 15:45
To: ALL Staff
Subject: BASINGSTOKE STATION - FOR INFORMATION
It has just been heard on the radio that Basingstoke station and the surrounding area has been closed due to an incident!!

Reception

-----Original Message-----
From: Señor Tronosco
Sent: 10 August 2006 16:00
To: Amigos
Subject: FW: BASINGSTOKE STATION - FOR INFORMATION
It's probably a violent incident involving that crappy vending machine on platform one. It once failed to give me a packet of Minstrels, after putting in the correct money. It got caught, I tried to shake the machine but it's bolted to the wall so I called the complaints number on the machine but no one answered...the busturds! Either that or it's the price of a scone in the shop...£1.09!

Señor Tronosco

------Original Message-----
From: Reception
Sent: 10 August 2006 16:07
To: ALL Staff
Subject: FW: BASINGSTOKE STATION - FOR INFORMATION
We have just phoned the central train information number and although there was an incident earlier this afternoon it is now cleared and the train station is now open.

Reception

-----Original Message-----
From: Amigos
Sent: 10 August 2006 16:24
To: Señor Tronosco
Subject: FW: BASINGTOKE STATION
Tronosco – I think your minstrels have come unstuck...you can pick them up on your way home...

-----Original Message-----
From: Señor Tronosco
Sent: 10 August 2006 16:35
To: Amigos
Subject: FW: BASINGSTOKE STATION - FOR INFORMATION
Cool!?
While I'm on the subject though, I don't have much luck with that vending machine.
I once put in £1.50 for a bumper bag of Revels and that also got stuck. The bag was teetering on the edge but just got caught! The only thing was that really angered me is that there was an old lady on the platform too. She was how do you say...em,..with a rusty bike, mad hair, loads of carrier bags and an old dog?
I accepted that the Revels had gone but it wasn't until I glanced over at the old lady 10minutes later that I noticed...she had two bumper bags of Revels! She had been stalking my loss of Revels and bagged a two for one vending machine bonus, whilst I wasn’t looking! I would have gone over and got them back but my train pulled in, plus she had a mad twitch, which worried me a bit.
Ho hum!

Señor Tronosco
End
All I can say is that it was a pretty dull day at work on the 10th.But, I do think Vending Machines bring out the worst in people! BTW I never did find out the real reason for the incident. Anyone out there have any Vending Machine horror stories they want to share?

Random song in my head of the day

2006-08-15T23:54:00.000+01:00

Today I found my head to be filled with song. In fact it was like being in a 9 to 5 musical.
It all started from the moment I got on the train to work and the guard shouted....."All aboard" (the Night Train-James Brown). From then on my internal-juke-box was reacting to every conversation. I lost the operatic plot around lunchtime when I found myself humming Belinda Carlisle. I managed to break out of a "Circles in the sand" loop by a well timed conversation about "Strangers"(in the night -Frank Sinatra).
The afternoon(Act II) became a subtle mix of rock classics with some genious crossfading into reggae, ska and a hint of folk. I even dared to shoehorn in an Eddy Grant number following a conversation with an electrician. I got home feeling I had given a top class musical performance and am currently giving myself a standing ovation!

Fulking Hill!

2006-08-14T00:38:00.001+01:00

He he! Ha ha, i'm sorry but I can't resist a bit of schoolboy humour. I was out and about today and passed near "Feltham". Ok that's not funny but the place name is mildly amusing, Feltham=Felt them? This was always a source of amusement as I once worked there and was forever cracking that joke. There are some classic place names though that always bring amusement. I've passed by "Dummer" on a few occasions, "Fulking Hill" was another and you can't say "Bagshot" to my amigos without some kind of snigger! I'm also assured that there is a "Bitchfield" and "Cockermouth" somewhere out there. There must be more equally hilarious names in existance?

What no Blog or water?

2006-08-12T19:26:00.000+01:00

Well folks it's been a busy week in the off-line world of Señor Tronosco. Although busy I have found time to ponder a few more of life's questions, so stay tuned and I'll be rolling them out over the next few days!
Following my last post about "Sparkling" water, I may have to re-evaluate my opinion on it's usefulness following an event this week. I awoke on Wednesday in a neanderthal state, stumbled to the bathroom half asleep and switched on the shower. Nothing, nada! Ok the shower light was on, the main power switch on, the electrics worked. I then spent the next 5minutes checking the fuse box, all was ok. In my sleepy-idiot state I couldn't work it out. The shower was ok but why no water? I then had a moment of clarity following a yawn and a stretch, let's try the tap. Bugger it! No water!
I then spent the next 30seconds in a minor panic trying to answer the following questions;

Why no water?
Was it just water to this house?
Had a pipe burst?
Was somewhere in the house flooded?
Had WWIII started?
Was this the drought that the water company had forecast?
How was I going to get to work, unshowered, with a major case of bed hair?
How was I going to explain this to my boss, as I was now late?
Would I die of thirst?
Why don't I ever keep a bottle of water in the house?
Could I possibly shower using water from the garden storage tank?

It is situations like these that you really appreciate how spoilt we have become. I don't have any provisions in the house. Seriously if a disaster struck on any scale i'd die of thirst or hunger and would probably have to resort to looting the local supermarket! I don't know the first thing about "living in the wild". I'd end up drinking some polluted source of water, posionous berries or maiming myself on my homemade animal snare. I don't have a clue, which worries me.
Luckily for me the loss of water was due to a burst pipe in the local area and was back on after a few hours. In which time I had managed to make a cup of tea from some melted ice cubes I found in the fridge.

Incidentally if I had had some sparkling water I would have happily enjoyed it's refreshing properties. It would have been great to bathe in as well, like a jacuzzi. Now there's an idea?

Sparkling Water

2006-08-06T20:26:00.000+01:00

Today I've been thinking about "Sparkling" water. You know, fizzy water, carbonated water, agua con gas! How did that come about? Now it's bearable as a mixer, l can understand that, but people drink it on its own. No it's wrong! l don't know about you but it tastes like water with a soluble aspirin in it. It has to be one of the most pointless inventions ever! I've heard some say, "it's very refreshing". What, more so than a glass of natural water? I really don't get it. You even have to pay more for it! I thought of a new invention, to compete with Sparkling water its called "Coloured" water. Don't you think a glass can look a bit boring, jazz it up with some different shades to match your mood, tablecloth, clothes etc. Now that's much less pointless than the fizzy stuff!

Fruitstock 2006 -Innocent stuff!

2006-08-05T18:14:00.000+01:00

I love "Innocent" drinks! I'm normally one who skips breakfast, so I get one of the innocent drinks to keep me going in the morning. Before that I'd have nothing, then pig out on bacon rolls and snacks untill lunchtime, which was no good for me or the pigs!
I'm fairly cynical but.....
Not only are they good wholesome drinks but it seems to be a company that likes to put something back, not just to the environment but also to charity, as well as being entertaining in the process. All you in London this weekend, check out "Fruitstock"! Man, I can't remember last year, all that fruit....I was high on natural minerals and vitamins!?

What's "Fruitstock"?

Fruitstock is a free festival which we at innocent put on to say thank you to all of you for drinking our drinks. There's lots of live music, posh food and drink stalls, a farmers' market, a kids' area and all sorts of other things to see and do. It's completely free, it's happening in Regent's Park, London, on the 5th and 6th of August, and we hope to raise loads of money for our chosen charity, WellChild. Keep the weekend free, and your fingers crossed for good weather – we hope to see you there. http://www.fruitstock.com

How nice! Check out the website, for some cool videos.

My on location photographer is currently resting after last weeks WOMAD festival, so I hope to bring you some "Fruitstock" pictures from other sources......click here.

The scene is just a horrific mess....

2006-08-04T22:29:00.000+01:00

My favourite news article of the week had me spitting my coffee out in laughter. That wouldn't have been a problem but l was on a packed train at the time, needless to say a roll of paper towels and an offer to pay the dry cleaning bill saw that the lady opposite was more than compensated.

Barney, the doberman pinscher went berserk while on duty at a teddy bear museum, tearing the toys limb from limb .......Among his victims was Mabel, a £40,000 Steiff bear that once belonged to Elvis Presley - and the jewel in the £500,000 collection.

The picture of the dog in the newspaper, with mutilated teddy bears and ripped stuffing, is really quite distressing. Never have an animals eyes said so much, teddy bears be afraid!

How's my blogging? To voice praise, disgust or downright confusion just comment me, link me, email me, bookmark me. The last one is a big sissy, so come on don't be shy!

Blog Prog!

2006-08-03T23:04:00.000+01:00

Anyone heard any Spanish Progressive Rock? I think l must be a bit special!
My introduction to it was from a dodgy tape found in my spanish friends coche, it was a band called Triana. The car was borowed from work and also came with a Camaron cassette, bonus! We were touring the Sierra Nevada at the time, from Granada down to Cabo de Gata to meet some amigos. Quite an amusing journey as we couldn't speak each others language. We got by with arm movements, facial expressions and a little spanglish.
The Triana tape played constantly during the trip and l fell in love with the music. How this band remains relatively unknown in the UK is beyond reason. I guess being sung in Spanish doesn't help, although why are english sung songs so popular in non-english speaking countries? Triana's first album, El Patio, appeared in 1975 and was one of the first albums to mix flamenco rhythms and phrasing to contemporary rock songs and ballads. Many similar bands appeared, some being more 'Prog' than others. If you like 70's rock, Led Zeppelin etc, you must add some Triana to your collection. Find out more here, and enjoy the video clip (in the side bar)!

Elementary, my Dear Watson.

2006-07-31T22:07:00.000+01:00

In these politically correct, health and safety conscious times I have been thinking about pipe smoking. Surely the pipe smoker must be a dying breed? It's a shame realy, I always think a man with a pipe has a certain authority. A woman with a pipe, well that's seriously old school, i'm thinking a shawl, possibly cockling or swigging gin while the kids pick some pockets.
I must admit the ritual of pipe smoking seems a bit complicated, not to mention the variety of tobacco. What do you do, warm your pipe, half load up with the finest 'ye olde kipper shag', gently toke with a match until you've got a few embers alight? Then load up some more?

Anyway, must be great when you're on full burn, the smokes flowing. Gently stroking your chin, arm cocked, great past-time for pondering the Universe........No shit Sherlock!

Pipe smokers out there, name your favourite brew and supply some pipe specifications!

Womad 2006 Update Part 2

2006-07-30T22:52:00.000+01:00

Here we go with another update from WOMAD 2006. Some great pictures from my on-location photographer! I'm green with envy!
Sunday is a great day when they have the parade in the main arena. The kids, parents and anyone really can spend a bit of time during the weekend making carnival costumes for the parade. Good fun, amazingly colourful, samba drums......

More Battenburg, Vicar?

2006-07-30T19:15:00.000+01:00

It was my Mum's Birthday today so went round to catch up, with a present and bunch of flowers....some stories, mild hangover, tea drinking legs and an empty stomach. Anyway, a Sunday afternoon always involves an un-naturally large amount of tea drinking with cake.
Today's offering was Battenburg cake. You either love it or hate it, personally I like it but the sugar rush is beginning to kick in and I have a mild fear for my health tonight.

Have you really looked at a slice of it though. Maaan, it's ingenious, who invented that! Can you imagine someone sitting down and thinking, yeah a chequered pattern, two colours, bonded with jam and a marzipan coating? I salute them! If i get this right, you need to cook two loaf shaped sponge cakes, one pink, the other yellow then cut them into perfectly square cuboids then stick them together with jam. Then finally wrap the whole thing in marzipan, leaving the ends exposed so people can marvel at your handy work. You must need the patience of a Saint. I tell you it's goddamn edible art, that's what it is!

I'm trying to think of another cake masterpiece but just can't think of one to match it?

Womad 2006 Update

2006-07-30T00:00:00.000+01:00

An image sequence from WOMAD 2006......almost Live!

Womad 2006

2006-07-29T22:58:00.000+01:00

I've just been reminded that yet again i've missed the WOMAD festival in Reading.
Bugger! I wanted to go but already been on holiday this month and the cash just wouldn't stretch that far. Anyway I'm getting updated with pictures, from my friend on location.

If you don't know what it is then check this.... BBC.co.uk Womad2006

It's superb, I never know any bands but always come away with a big smile on my face. Which reminds me of the days in Reading going to the infamous Rock/Indie festival? The only tips I have for this is never, bite a glowstick, confuse bushes for people, converse with decorated tents or trade fire wood for a can of Special Brew. Oh, and wear warm clothing at night.

Keyboards

2006-07-29T12:50:00.000+01:00

Today i've been thinking about keyboards. Well, not all of the day as that would have been quite boring, not to mention weird!

From talking to people I think this is a common problem. A lot of people these days eat at their desk. When at work I tend to get a lunchtime baguette and sometimes eat it at my desk whilst typing inane emails to friends and surfing the internet.
The only trouble is the issue of crumbs, these tend to fall and lodge between the keys of my keyboard, most of them end up in the no-mans land at the bottom of the casing.

I picked up my keyboard the other day and it sounded like a Maraca! Very tuneful but not very hygenic. The only cleaning solution is to take my waste paper bin, turn the keyboard upside down over it and shake/hit it to try and dislodge the crumbs. Much like banging an old carpet against the back wall it's just not that effective. I only ever manage to get rid of half a baguettes worth of discarded food matter not the full ammount. Incidently the accidental ketchup and coffee spillage will never be removed but serves as a useful reminder against repeating that particular accident.

Ok so I had this brilliant idea. Why not develop a keyboard with a pull out crumb tray. You've seen toasters, they have a little tray at the base that you can remove and dispose of the crumbs.
What a fantastic idea, crumbs fall through the keys straight into the tray, ready for easy and safe disposal. The tray doesn't have to be that deep, what the heck if that's a problem why not an opening flap on the base of the keyboard. Over the bin, open the flap and watch the crumb storm.

I'm hoping someone out there can take this invention on? Or maybe it exists already? Might work up some drawings in the near future!

Dreams

2006-07-28T21:19:00.000+01:00

Ever wondered about dreams and where they come from? Personally I never remember mine, although even when conscious I have a hard time remembering things.

Isn' t it a theory that dreams are a cognitive process?

Check this out.

I went into work today and my colleague told me about a dream he had. He told it like this......

Me and you were both together at work and the boss came up to us and said that we had to deliver a package down the road. Ok so we both decide to take the bus as its a fair old walk for the delivery . At the bus stop, you changed your mind and said "F&*k it, let's go to Stansted for the day". I wasn't too keen, worried about geting fired but you were very persuasive. We asked the bus driver and he said "No" but miraculously we ended up on the bus driving to Stansted.
Anyways, I then decided to go to Cambridge to visit a lady friend so we told the driver to change course as it was just down the road. So there we were in Cambridge. At this point you said, "While we are here let's go and see Syd Barrett".
Syd Barrett was in a nursing home so we went in and had a chat with him. The strange thing was he was actually a small Eric Sykes. After chatting with Syd for a few hours he then decided that we should both go round his house. We stole a car from one of the nurses and drove to Syd's house. His house happened to be on a run down council estate in Cambridge. We took ages to find it as Syd's directions were bad. Anyway we finally got there and all had a cup of tea.

Flippin' 'eck!!! What the hell was that about? Seriously people out there can interpret dreams but this has got to be beyond interpretation. The only justifiction was that my colleague had had macaroni cheese for dinner with a particularily mature english cheddar.

So I guess that makes any interpretation null and void?

Welcome to Mucho Danger!

2006-07-28T20:41:00.000+01:00

Señor Tronosco's frequently asked questions?

1. Ok, so what's this?

Another Blog. I'm going to keep it simple, think before I blog and as James Brown once said, "We're gonna have a funky good time!"

2. Anyway, what's with the title?

Mucho danger (pronounced. moo-cho dan-jair) -An exclamation when faced with peril. I said it once in a state of multi-lingual confusion, obviously whilst facing a perilous situation.

3. What's it all about?

Lot's, nothing, anything, tomatoes, ideas on a postcard please.

4. Isn't this just a load of old blogglers?

Yes and No? It's what you make of it. So as, em, James Brown once said "I wanna get into it man....".

5. I'm disgusted/excited by this load of Old Blogglers, how do I make a complaint/get into it man?

To voice praise, disgust or downright confusion just comment me, link me, email me, bookmark me. The last one is a big wrinkly tomato, so come on don't be shy.

6. I've noticed your grammar and spelling is really shocking!

I would like to apologise for this but offer some form of justification(excuse). As you may know i'm a part-time practising multi-lingualist, as a result I feel my 'english skills' have become somewhat diluted. It would appear that my language memory only has a finite capacity and in order to learn more I have to shed a few english grammar and punctuation rules. Old age, work commitments, I dunno I just can't remember things like I used to!

7. What is the Search Engine Random Of The Week?

Well, my fancy web counter gives me information on the hits I get via Google. It also gives me the search words used, often with hilarious results!

8. The Perfect Tomato and I don't get the Competition?

Yep I love em. Check out my post for further information by linking here. Oh and don't forget the competition, the best picture judged by me wins. Yes, there is a prize, and the glory of seeing your masterpiece posted. Judging bribes accepted!

9. Some of the words are screwed up and don't display properly?

With my feeble knowledge of t'internet and HTML i'm guessing this is about page encoding. It works with Unicode(UTF-8). For IE users go to View->Encoding-> and select Unicode.

Hasta la pasta, niñas!